I hope you all had a great holiday. I hope you ate good and was surrounded by love.
I went to an event call Sistergiving put on by the exhale collective. It was a potluck and open mic night for black female artists. I couldn’t bring myself to get on stage because I was full of emotion. The emotions really came from no where honestly. One minute I was eating and getting to know the other women in attendance, the next minute I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t know something about being in that space made me think of my grandma. I thought about spending the holidays without her this year. I thought about the last time I saw her which was last year on Christmas. I thought about the last poem I wrote which was about her. I listened to the poets and singers on stage and the tears would not stop. It was odd for me to cry in a room full of strangers. Outside of crying all night, I had the chance to meet and watch some pretty amazing women. My whole purpose of going to the event was to connect with some new creatives. The tears started when the host got on the mic and mentioned this year coming to an end. She asked the audience to reflect on everything that has happened this year and celebrate making it through it all. My tears lasted until the end. Grieving is such a funny feeling because it’s something that really never goes away. It doesn’t “get better” it just gets easier.
I enjoyed my holiday. I made a whole ham for the first time this year and everyone LOVED it! That was a good feeling because the ham is a pretty important dish in my family. Most of us like ham more than turkey. I went to multiple houses this year, family and friends made me feel so welcomed. I was even told I was missed at some houses I wasn’t able to make it to.
I’ve been feeling extremely loved and content these days. I am genuinely happy. I am surrounded by so many genuine people and the feeling is indescribable. My closest first cousins and I were on a 6- way FaceTime call on Thanksgiving night. We all live in different states but it was special that we were still able to be together via FaceTime. Our grandma usually calls everybody on birthdays and holidays. This being our first year without her was hard but it’s a blessing that we are all able to be come together.
My boyfriend and I went on a double date with my dad and his girlfriend to see ‘Queen & Slim’. Which I would like to add was a really great movie! I’ve heard mixed reviews so far but it’s always best to see the movie for yourself. It was super creative and artistic. The way the story was told tied in so much with being black in America today. How love and life can happen so fast! The internet, social media and the world around us has the ability to change things in an instant. I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone but I loved it. The world needs more black writers, producers, directors, actors, filmmakers, and creative artists. As a writer, I will always support black stories being told. I pray I can create and/or be apart of creating more projects and opportunities for black stories to be told. Our talent and our work deserves to be recognized.
Black Love Matters. Black Talent Matters. Black Lives Matter.
Back to my Thanksgiving break
Aaron and I went black Friday shopping this year. We now have a 50 inch flat screen smart TV in our living room. I am so proud of us. We have made it such a long away. These are literally the things I used to dream about. Furnishing a place of our own in the expensive ass Bay Area felt so impossible. A year ago if you told me we would be here now I probably wouldn’t believe you. Two years ago while I was sleeping on an blowup mattress driving back and forth to Elk Grove, I would have never believed that life would look like this today. It may not seem like much. We don’t own a big house and we aren’t married with kids but I am so proud of our progress.
Every step of my journey I’m constantly reminding myself to celebrate the small wins.
My grandma isn’t physically here to celebrate the holidays with us anymore but I still feel her everyday. I am surrounded by so much love and I know she’s my angel now. With everything I’ve survived and been through this year, there’s no doubt in my mind that she is watching over me.
I’ll be honest, lately writing hasn’t been the easiest thing. Alot has changed and happened over the past year and I’m still trying to process it all. Next week I will turn 28 and life is only getting more complicated. I have more responsibilities, more things to juggle and more goals to make happen. But writing is still my therapy and my outlet. I am inspired now than ever to keep documenting my journey.
I am making my ancestors proud. I am paving the way for those coming after me. I am making history. I am writing my own story. I am creating my legacy.
I want to end with a scripture that really speaks to me. A daily affirmation to live by:
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Thanks for reading & we’ll talk more next week!
This is officially my 100th post! Look at me creating content and what not!!
Happy Birthday to Jay-Z one of the best to ever do it!! Thank you for giving us the Blueprint Mr. Carter. Shout out to the billionaire from Marcy!