Life is so shitty right now.
I feel so lost like I’ve been stripped of everything I’ve worked hard for. I feel like the past few years of my life has gotten me no where.
On March 31st, my car was stolen from my carport in my apartment building. I’ve lost my job and my car. Back at square fucking one.
I have so many things to be grateful for. I am working. I have a roof over my head and a steady paycheck. I have a loving family and supportive friends. So there’s a little light in this tunnel. But I don’t feel safe in this apartment building anymore. I don’t feel fulfilled at my place of employment, it has nothing to do with my interests or degree.
I’m currently in autoplay.
The world is falling apart around me. Covid 19 has completely changed everything I knew to be normal.
Everyday the police is killing another unarmed black person. There are more hashtags and names to say then anyone can remember at this point.
Like, staying motivated and positive is so FUCKING hard.
I am not okay. My mental health is on the decline.
Due to the corona virus, I got a job at a market. I got a job as an essential worker to keep myself busy, help the community, and help keep my bills paid. My job is 40 minutes away from my house and someone in my apartment building… stole my car.
Material things don’t make or break me but damn all I do is mind my business. Why would someone come take the little bit of stuff I do have? The Bay Area and California is already so damn expensive! I am struggling and it seems as though it means virtually nothing. I’m drowning and it feels like everyone is just staring at me saying “aww I’m sorry”.
Sometimes I tell myself the things I go through are no big deal people are dying, people are sick, people are losing loved ones.
But I can’t lie, it still hurts.
I have so many things to thank God for but why is life so hard?
The equipment I bought for my natural lifestyle business was in my trunk. I stored my supplies in my trunk because I travelled to be a vendor at events and delivered products to my supporters. So that was also stolen with the car.
Usually I try my hardest to bounce back from minor setbacks but honestly I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over this. I’ve had my car broken into. I’ve had my windows broken. I’ve been in car accidents. I’ve had my car keyed. I’ve had so many things taken from me but never have I had a car stolen. This is such an empty hurtful feeling. It’s been almost 3 weeks. I’ve already given up hope on getting it back.
Welp that’s all I got for now.
A weary black girl